At what point in the relationship do you start farting in front of him/her? Is this the ultimate sign of intimacy, or is it just plain gross?
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9 comments:
This is something I've been counseling my brother on for a while now. If you're planning on keeping that person around for a while, best to keep the magic for as long as possible. Farts are as detrimental to magic as tooth-fairy experiments (see yesterday's post.)
On the other hand, if you're trying to get out of fizzled relationship, fart as often as you possibly can. Talk about your farts. Analyze their composition and compare them in intensity, sound, and response to previous farting experiences.
Couldn't agree more Lydia.
I pride myself in saying that I have never once farted in front of a boyfriend and almost all of them have never farted in front of me. Now I'm not saying you can't fart-- just conceal it somehow.
Its an art form that involves a lot of coughing (diversion), a lot of wriggling around (intestinal air placement), discomfort, and anxiety. But it is worth it. Your future relationship is banking on it. Your future children are waiting in the wings for you not to mess this up so they can LIVE!!!!!!
Ok.. that was dramatic. Big surprise. But seriously, don't fart. Don't fart for a long time.
Ryan says "It hurts though."
Valid point.
My general rule is no tooting unless you are one of my kids and the timing is perfect, meaning I'm no where near the smell zone.
I am completely anti-male flatulence.
YOu should not ask these questions unless you are prepared for the truth. In all honesty, I am hoping to change my war-time strategy because below describes the state of affairs...
I am married you see, and sometimes my spouse wants to do battle. I do not want to do battle because, really nobody wins in this war. Sometimes though, I do WANT to "fight fire with fire" out of anger..you know, retribution farts-
I never let them be heard though, they are a silent weapon, one might say.
So far my war-time policies have been safe and effective and Its still a peaceful state in the land of marriage but I feel like I would be better off with a cold war type gas battle..just odorless threats.
Wait til you are prego, my friend.
You will win the war.
I promise.
I think a committed, longterm relationship will inevitably get a little stinky from time to time, but with my new man, I practice farting diplomacy, like waiting till he goes to the bathroom to do it, never doing it in the car, and always warning him if he's about to enter a zone.
When I see him coming, my line is, "It may or may not smell like farts in here." Cause I love him, and he deserves to live in a home free of unexpected stinks.
I'm still holding mine in.
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