Taking a page from VH1's "Tough Love: Couples," if you could have your mate dress up as your fantasy, how would he or she look? Describe (clothing, hair, makeup, jewelry). And own up to it, sickos.
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5 comments:
Two words :Bionic liquid cop from Terminator 2 with mercury limbs and robot love-makin-time eyes. I can't count, but I know sexy when I see sexy.
If my man was anything like my fantasies, it would be totally disgusting. In regard to appearance, all my fantasy men share the same look: stinky. Lots of different variations of stinky, mind you. But stinky nevertheless.
1. Indiana Jones. Are those shirts actually tan or is that a combination of dirt and handsome?
2. Cool Hand Luke. Bruises, sweat, and eggs. Say no more.
3. The Rock in The Mummy. If anyone's says the "D" word (Dwayne), I'll punch you in the teeth. I'm talking long hair, arm bands, no shirt, quads of steel. Yes, please!
In reality, I overcompensate and prefer my man to be not only non-stinky, but drenched in cologne. Pack it on, baby. I want to smell after you walk away.
I want my man in a simple 60s-style tuxedo with a proper bow tie. Hair slicked back with some Dapper Dan, and cufflinks that are actually tiny cameras. Yes, Bond, James Bond.
But then there's a twist to it: I want him to leave the gun on the cocktail table and whisk his lady in red to the dance floor. And then we tango all night. And I don't even ask him how he got so good at ballroom dancing, because that would trivialize the passion.
I would like that to be a slow night for him, as far as run-ins with terrorist bad guys because I do not want any bullets messing up my hair, and he has a sweet suite upstairs from which I can order French toast in the morning.
I'm kinda with Lydia...gimme Mike Rowe on a day where he's not sand-blasting the poo off of an elephant's money maker and I'm good to go.
Also, as much as I hate to admit this cuz it dates me immediately as an old lady, I love seeing my man do the dishes...or change diapers...or wash the floor...if he were to ever, say, put up a wall or something, that'd be it...ship the kids off to g'ma's baby.
Mike Rowe? I should have been more clear with my rules: they have to 1. look stinky, 2. not actually be stinky, and 3. NOT look like Ernest.
Every time I see that show I think, "Apparently Ernest went to camp, then jail, got scared stupid, and landed his own show on the Discovery Channel." Know what I mean, Vern?
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