Live Fast, Die Hard

It's a sad day for America. Heidi and Spencer are getting divorced, Brett Michaels may be replacing Simon on American Idol, and Gary Coleman died. This last death comes on the back of a wave of celebrity losses: Ronnie James Dio, Britney Murphy, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, John Travolta's dogs, the guy from the OxyClean infomercials.

If you were in the spotlight, having your life recorded by paparazzi at every step, how would you want to go? A quiet exit or out with a bang, what death would be a fitting end to your days of glamor and excess? What would you want written on your tombstone?

Happy National Free Cosmetic Surgery Day!

I'm fairly certain that on the Swedish or Mayan or Burger King calendar, today is Free-cut-you-open-and-suck-it-out-or-fill-it-in day...you have your choice of one procedure...anything on the menu, be it lipo, lift, transplant, hymenoplasty or

Brazilian Butt Lift Autologous Fat Transfer.

Are you vain enough to sign up? If so, which procedure would be make it worthwhile?

Wah-wah

Sorry, I know you all were waiting patiently and anxiously for my post but I'm going to have to be a Debbie and skip it this week :( Wah-wah. My brain literally has one-half cell working and I'd rather not embarrass it when the others come back around. Tune in next week!

To power-point or not to power-point

In 7 days, I will be giving an hour-and-a-half lecture to a class of 60 students, and I'm turning to the glorious internet for ideas. Dear friends, if you had a captive audience who not only had to listen, but take notes, and were being graded on how deeply they thought about your words, what would you say? What is your field of expertise? What is something you've been dying to convince the general population of, and how would you drive your points home? (And, most importantly, what should I wear?)

GET RICH QUICK!

God or the President or Ed McMahon call and say you win FIVE MILLION DOLLARS, but there is one stipulation: You have to get a tattoo on your neck and it has to be at least as big as a dollar bill. You can chose whatever beautiful design you want though. If the task is worth five million clams to you, please describe your new neck art.

You down with OCD...yeah you know me!

We all do it in some sick way or another...what is your OCD habit? What can you not do or not not do or have to do or have to not do...

Stinking Love!

At what point in the relationship do you start farting in front of him/her? Is this the ultimate sign of intimacy, or is it just plain gross?

Easy Bake Oven my A$$

For years I was in love with the idea of Santa A. Claus. He made my stomach flip with anticipation for December 25th. I felt he was flying clear across the world just for me. Until that fateful day in 1992 when he shattered my heart.

What is the gift/gifts that S.A.C failed to deliver after months of anticipation?

Hard Times

The economy is in the crapper, unemployment is through the roof, and recycling is on the rise. (Don't believe me? Go see how many of those Diet Dr. Pepper cans you threw out last week are still in your dumpster.) But for those of us old enough to remember, the 80's sucked, too, and "layaway" wasn't just a fancy term for vacation. Even in the fat years, we've all had to dig around in other people's couches for loose change. (No? A thief and a liar!)

Whether your strategy is to pawn, panhandle, or pilfer, tell us: what are your "desperate measures" when it comes to scrapping up some dough? What day-to-day heists keep you afloat? What is the worst thing you've ever done for money?

Donation Station

If you were a "good canditate" (bad-habit free and chock full of stellar genes) and if it were super easy, safe and profitable....Would you donate your eggy-weggys or a few sperm to help a family or a few families make children? If so, what is the "max" amount of unclaimed children you would be comfortable siring? Lastly, would you check the box on the form that says "Yes, let them kids track me down when they're 18!"?

Brain break

It's Friday.
There are a proven shortage of brain cells on Fridays, so let's make this easy:
Name one song that should have never been created. What is that one song that makes you want to take the "artist" out back and spray yak urine up their nose til they cry Uncle...

Don't Hate the Player...

What is your favorite game to play? (Board, sports, video, mind, etc.) If you lose, do you take it hard or just shrug it off?

Break out the scanners.....

We all have them-- Bad school photos. Post yours below and a description of what the beep you or your mother/father was thinking.... Thisisgonnabeawesome. (p.s. this is not me believe it or not. Just some poor girl I found on google images)

Count backwards from 10

What the hell happened? You open your eyes and find yourself staring at the harsh, florescent lights above. You're still groggy but manage to lift yourself off of the table, pull the tube out of your arm, and take in the room. Chrome canisters, medical supplies atop white counters. It's sterile, eerily sterile, and the quiet gives no indication of what the walls have seen.

In honor of my cats having surgery, tell us: What led you to the operating room? What procedure did you have done? And were there any "complications"?

Party time USA!

I am the queen of ridiculous costume parties. I crowned myself the queen because, well lets face it...Ive done it all, theme-wise.... OR have I?

Please share your idea of the best costume party EVER. Tell us about that dream party..the one that you fantasize about regularly. I want to hear about costume choices, decorations, theme food ideas, the cocktails, and any hired help or entertainment you would bring in..the works! Dream up that big fantasy party in the sky and pretend there is no limits on spending or facility options.

Dream Lover

Taking a page from VH1's "Tough Love: Couples," if you could have your mate dress up as your fantasy, how would he or she look? Describe (clothing, hair, makeup, jewelry). And own up to it, sickos.

OHHHHHH FUDDDDDDDGE

Reminiscent of me forgetting that it is my Wednesly- day duty to enlighten the lovelies who read my ponderables:

What has been the worst thing you have forgotten, blanked out on or said to someone that is deserving of the above punishment?

You little devil!

What is something "mean" or "bad" that you secretly enjoy doing.
Example: farting in an elevator before you get out. ( I've NEVER done that! Just an example, jeez!!)

The Knee Bone connects to the Leg Bone...

Well, you know, in ancient times, there was a huge earthquake which set free this big gust of energy, which let out a crap load of radiation, which affects the blood flow at certain times in the lunar cycle, and that's why women get their periods.

Shit can get confusing. We understand, but maybe we can clear up some of time's greatest mysteries. What's one thing that you really don't understand but probably should? How do you bullshit your way through conversations when the topic arises? And why, for the love of God, haven't you Wikipediaed for answers?