Just Kidding, we are really going to gossip about Craigslist. What is the Craziest Shit you have ever seen, bought,heard about or posted on Craigslist. I got some good ones, but you go first....
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Melissa
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6 comments:
Dr. Phil just did a whole special about 14-year-olds being prostituted on craigslist. Crazy shit.
One time I sold Melissa's dresser on craigslist, made $80 and kept every penny. The guilt set in eventually so I bought her a bottle of vodka that didn't come in a plastic bottle.
This appeared on Best Of Craigslist:
What am I doing wrong?
Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City , so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.
Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?
Here are my questions specifically:
1. Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars,
restaurants, gyms...
2. What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't
hurt my feelings...
3. Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?
4. Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?
5. Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment
banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do
they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
6. How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for
MARRIAGE ONLY
Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.
*it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests*
THE ANSWER:
PostingID: 432279810
Dear Pers-431649184:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis
of your predicament. Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it:
Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!
So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will
likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!
So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub... marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease.
In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense
is dating, not marriage.
Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.
By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.
With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right
way. Classic "pump and dump."
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort
of lease, let me know.
Gelwicks post is amazing and I love that one... This one also makes me laugh.
I've been looking for a couch on here for the past few weeks, and let me tell you what I've learned so far:
1) It does NOT matter what you paid for it!!! First off, odds are, no one believes you anyways. Secondly, there's an EXCELLENT chance that what you paid for your furniture is just going to make me laugh because it is out of this world expensive for a couch you couldn't pay me to put in my living room.
2) Don't bother telling us that you think it's a gorgeous couch. If you didn’t think it was a gorgeous couch, you probably wouldn’t have bought it, and I really don't care how YOU think it looks, I care how I care it looks.
3) POST A PICTURE. See number 2. Giving a detailed description of colours, strip patterns, down to the mm measurements, and the dimensions of the butt indentation you've been working on for the last 3 and a half years does not compensate for a (well-lit) picture. If you don't have a digital camera, borrow one from someone you know. And trust me, you know someone who has a camera and can help you. Once you get the camera, post multiple angles of the couch. here's an idea, CL lets you post 4 pictures. there are 4 sides to most couches. Unless there is damage, pictures of the back usually aren’t necessary so post different angles of the important parts.
4) In your post, give me some idea of the couch's condition. If it's damaged, let me know. If you don't, I get pissed off when I drive out to wherever you are to take a closer look at the "like-new" couch you have for sale, only to discover that the cat you own has claws the size of a grizzly and has whittled the side of the couch not visible in the picture you posted down to a duct-tape covered toothpick. Even better, post a picture of any wear and tear.
5) Look at the Craigslist classified section before posting your add!!! There are over 100 posts a day for furniture, usually over 200 for weekend days. With that many options available, the basic laws of supply and demand dictate that your couch (remembering point number 1) is not worth as much as you think it is. Sorry. Remember the basic rule of garage sales: The idea is to make space, not money.
6) If you are not able to sell your couch, do not bother posting it again and again several times a day in the hopes that your $800, 30 year old fake pleather ugly monstrosity will eventually be EXACTLY what someone is looking for, it's not.
6)b) do NOT, under any circumstances, repost your add with an INCREASED price. If someone is searching CL for a couch, they're not taking the first one they see unless they are luckier than me and found what they were after on the first shot. That being said, I've seen your add everyday, your asking price was high to begin with, raising it doesn’t make your couch more appealing. If you can't sell your couch, try lowering your asking price.
Whew… glad that’s off my chest.
NOW, who wants to buy my couch? It’s a GROGEOUS sectional purchased 27 years ago and has been well used by my parents and their 2 boys who used to make forts out of it and jump up and down on it while watching cartoons. I don’t have a camera right now but I can assure you that you will LOVE the 70’s style brown fabric, with circulation facilitators, (tears) where people sit the most. It’s so gorgeous that you won’t even notice that I once put my foot through the corner piece while chasing my dog around the room. It has been used by non-smoking, non-pet owners for the past 39 days making it ideal for anyone.
My parents paid $7,000 for this couch 27 years ago. With inflation, that’s got to be about $20,000 today. Remembering that, I’m willing to part with what has become my sex couch for the bargain basement price of $2,000, a full 90% off the purchase price when you consider inflation!!!!!!!! I am of course a very understanding seller. There are 4 sections to the couch and I will let you pick them up 1 at a time as long as you pay for them all up front and leave me with an extra $250 for the trouble.
Thanks for reading my add, I look forward to the bidding war that is now inevitable I’m sure. If I don’t get my asking price, I’ll target the richer people looking for second hand sectionals on CL and will repost for $4,000 tomorrow.
This is my favorite....
Just fucking fuck me, already.
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Date: 2008-02-03, 3:29PM PST
Dear Men of Craigslist,
Look, I know you men have it difficult. Women are just about impossible to understand, much less please. In a post-feminist society, you never know exactly what you should be doing. Women are bloody picky, I know we are. It can be scary, too, when women freak out about what appear to be benign issues. And men who do their best to be respectful, female-positive humans, I salute you, I do.
But please, please just fuck me already. Honestly, I appreciate your thoughtfulness. I like that you want to take things slow. I can totally get behind the idea of emotional connection, but dearjesusinheaven, FUCK ME. We've done dinner and drinks. We've gone dancing. We've cuddled and watched a movie. I'm wearing a low cut shirt and you've been staring at my breasts all night. Goodgodalmighty, get to it and fuck me.
When we get hot and heavy, please take charge. Please, please fuck me. Trust me, I'm not going to just lie still - I'll get involved. But don't make me force your hand into my panties. That makes me feel like a rapist. We've been kissing for a half hour and your hand keeps grazing my ass. That's nice, but it's time to move forward. Get on top of me. Don't make me get on top right out of the gate and start bobbing up and down on your cock like I'm practicing some crazy new aerobic yoga because YOU won't go down on me. Roll on top and start dry humping like a good boy should. Don't gently suck my nipples and then pull back when I moan with pleasure. You being coy is totally not what I want. It's not what WE want.
OK, I know it's scary. There are lots of women out there who make fucking really difficult. So, I have compiled some handy tips. Don't think of this as complaining, or as schadenfreude for the Andrea Dworkins of the world. Just some simple tips, for timid men who have forgotten what it means to fuck like men:
1. Taking charge is not bad. Oh, there will be some women who feel that you are pushy. If you are making out with a woman, and she starts to push back, ask nicely if things are moving too fast. If she says yes, say something like "I'm sorry - you just look so fucking delicious. I'll go slower." Otherwise, skillfully move forward. If you start kissing a woman, and she responds well, and before long, you're both on the floor with her skirt pushed up, and you on top of her, it's not the time to roll onto your back and start awkwardly stroking the top of her head. Seriously, grow a goddamn pair. YOU'RE the man. Act like one.
2. Ohmyfuckinggod, please learn to respect the clit. It's different for every woman, so ask what she likes. Do not, I repeat, do not just wiggle your fingers around her pussy like you're trying to tickle her. Do not drum your fingertips against her vulva like you are impatiently waiting at the Sears Tire Center for your receipt. Do not push the clit like it is a doorbell at some house that you need to get inside of. Start by using all four fingers with firm yet gentle pressure against the outside of her pussy. Do not charge in with a single finger and start jabbing at things. And if you really don't know what to do, ask her. Just ask. "How do you like it?". It's a simple question, and most women will answer straight out. If she's being all coy, ask "Do you like pressure? Is it sensitive?" The clitoris is a varied item, indeed. Treat each one as though you have never encountered one before. Forget everything that your last partner liked.
3. Most women like to be fucked, and fucked well. Yes, there are women out there who want to "make love" every time - sweet, gentle, rocking love with lots of eye contact and loving kisses. Those women are not the majority. The majority like to be pounded. The majority like to have their hair pulled. The majority like a good, solid jackhammering. When a woman is bucking wildly against you, it's not because she wants you to pull back and slowly swirl your cock around her vagina like you're mixing a cake batter up there. It's because she wants you to hold down her arms, or grab her hips, or push her legs above her head, and fuck her harder. Don't be too afraid of what this means as far as gender equality goes - I am a raging feminist bitch, but I still want to be penetrated like you are planning on fucking my throat from the inside out.
4. A little roughness is nice. Do not pretend that you had no idea that some women like their hair pulled. Do not act shocked if she wants you to spank her ("Really? Spanking? Won't it hurt?" - yes, it does. That's the fucking point). We know you've read Stuff and Maxim, and that's all those laddie mags talk about in their "How to Please Her" sections. Start with light, full handed smacks to the area of her ass that she sits on. Judge her response and continue on from there. You don't have to bend her over one knee and tell her she's a naughty girl and that Daddy's going to punish her; save that for the fifth date. Women are less delicate than you think, so don't worry about breaking her hip.
5. It's OK for you to make noise. Otherwise, we feel like we are fucking a ninja. Unless you actually are a ninja, and have sneaked into our rooms with vibrating nanuchaku and zippered black pajamas, please, please make some noise. If you're banging a woman, and she's crying out and saying your name and moaning, and you can't even manage a grunt, she's going to feel like an idiot. You don't have to make the sounds she is making, but do SOMETHING. You know how when you are watching porn, and the girl does something great to the guy and the guy kind of goes "Ah!", half grunt, half yell? That's HOT. Do that. Whisper our name (assuming you know it) gruffly. Groan against her neck when you're in missionary position. You don't have to grunt like a mountain gorilla, but if you are totally mute, she's going to get worried.
6. Most women like dirty talk, in addition to the grunting. If you'd like to get some dirty talk going, ask her if she likes the way you fuck her. If she responds well, continue with something like, "I love fucking you. God, you look so fucking hot." Is she still moaning in response? "Your tits are so beautiful." Does that work? If she doesn't respond well to the term "tits", you might have to stop there. If she keep moaning or responding, pass Go and collect $200. Try the following:
"Oh, god. Your pussy is SO tight."
"You're so wet - are you wet because you like the feel of my cock ramming you?"
"I think I'm going to come inside you. I'm going to fill up your little cunt." It doesn't matter that you're wearing a condom; we LOVE hearing this.
If all of those work, you can then progress to things like "sexy little bitch" and "dirty whore". Tread carefully, but please, tread. Do not tiptoe. Do not sit down. Charge.
6. You're not obligated to eat a woman out. In return, she's not obligated to choke on your dick. Don't skip one and expect the other. If you do eat a woman out, the only comment you should make about her pussy is how nice it is. The length of her labia minora, the color of her interior, her waxing job or full bush - you are not John Madden. No time for color commentary.
7. Do not bitch about condoms. Oh, we hate them. Trust us. They hurt us more than they hurt you. But we don't want to be preggers, and you don't want to catch anything, right? Don't whine about condom sex. Do not explain that you can't come with one on. LEARN to come with one on, or if not, help us figure out what to do with you once we're satisfied and it's time for you to let loose your load.
8. We really like it when you come. It's called a money shot for a reason. Watching semen shoot out of you is one of the most gratifying things EVER. However, do not assume that she wants you to jack it off onto her face. She might, but don't assume. Seeing and/or feeling you come is rewarding for us, so there's no need to deprive us of it, but please do consult us before unleashing. "I think I'm going to come - how do you like it?" is a fair question that shouldn't rob you of your testicles.
In recent memory, I've been fucked by a very aggressive, manly guy, and I've been... well, fucked is the wrong term here. I've been penetrated by a total and utter wuss. Who am I going to run back to when I'm ready for my fill? Manly McHardon, that's who. ----------------------------------------------------
*New point of clarification - some people have brought up some really great issues in response to this post, so let me say this: I don't mean to imply that all women like to be treated like whores. I do mean to say that most women I know have told me that they like sex rougher than most men give it to them. Rough does NOT equal chains and bondage. And this applies to the bedroom only, and does not mean that she wants you to choose her dinner for her, or treat her like less of a person. **Some women have said that they don't like it rough and what the hell am I thinking? Well, girls, you're in the minority. HOWEVER, all women need to remember that, in addition to be straight forward about your sexual desires, you need to be straight forward about your sexual limits. Don't be afraid to ask for more, but when something feels wrong, say so. Don't ever do something you don't want to do in silence and then blame the guy. Silence is dangerous.
Location: Seattle
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 561877622
first of all, I only know Lydia from school and being drunk at the Rush Inn, but I will totally write questions. How do I do it?
Second, I am now looking for places on craigslist and haven't seen anything too crazy.
HOWEVER, I sent out an ad on the UCSC grad student list looking for a roommate and I got an email from someone who said she was a "non-smoking, nondrinking, raw vegan." My friend Irene wanted to know why she went on living.
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